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| Source: Bob Mankoff for The Wall Street Journal (http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2014/03/26/new-yorker-cartoon-editor-makes-picks-for-caption-contest/) |
[An entry to the The Great Indian Blogging Contest, as a part of the Apeejay Kolkata Literary Festival 2015]
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Aye!! Aye!! Aye!!
Chamcha calling
Kaptaan—Chamcha calling
Kaptaan—Affirmative.
No dog wagging its own tail here. But it’s a Dog-eats-Dog
world sire, have to follow or get left behind.
No, I don’t tolerate Yes men. If I ask the milkman whether
the milk is without water and he says “Yes,” I fire him! But then I reach
office and boss asks me to get his groceries. I want to say no, but dare how I
do it? He even pays cab fare. Which middle-class chhaposha Bengali man goes to do groceries with a bajarer thole in hand in a bloody taxi? It’s about the respect and not about saying a Yes.
But before that I
have to go collect buyer’s agreement from the builder who sold me that “sprawling” 2bhk in Rajarhat; mostly where I’m found crawling instead. “Blame
it on the furniture!” he said. I murmured, “But I only have a bed and a
cupboard.” But he was already busy changing his cover photo by then.
“Hello Mr. Bhandari,
can I have my document?”
Arey, hello Ghosh
babu. Sit and have chai-coke-masala thums up with me.
“Thank you, but I’m in a hurry. Can I just have the document?”
Why do you need
document yaar? Live aramse with bhabi ji. Today or tomorrow you have to sell
only no? Son will become big, daughter will marry. Then I can handle everything
quickly if document is with me. You don’t need to worry only!
At this point.
“Such a nice shirt Mr. Bhandari, is the make Italian?”
Very close guess, this
one is Ekdalia-n.
“Such smooth texture.”
Doesn’t even rupture.
“Still no document?”
No, just stick to your
compliments!!
“Are those your children in the photo?”
Family first, my only
motto.
“Your son looks like your carbon copy.”
[pleased] More like my
brother, he is a disco-jockey!!
“Give me the paper, sir. So I can take your leave.”
Mondays are
inauspicious no? Day of Prabhu Shiv.
Can’t fight the gods now, can I?
Don’t say YES. A nod will suffice.
Then 16/9 Monohorpukur Lane is headquarters, where awaits swayam Devi herself. And unlike Shiva she
doesn’t miss a day, every day is missus day. Usual tropes are there alright;
pick her favorite flowers, praise her new haircut, tell her she’s looking
thinner and definitely don’t make her cook dinner.
But what about the paperless flat that was her birthday
gift? One without a lift. What if she is waiting at home wearing her Denzel
Washington face today? Of course, of course! Have no fear, just put your Maruti
on back-gear. Stop for daabher jol,
stop for jhaal muri, then go park the
car in front of shoshur bari.
Start by touching father-in-law’s feet. Then whisper in his
ears he’s looking like Jeet!!
No licking butt this, after all flattery is a man’s best
friend.
Glossary
chhaposha: Middle-class
bajarer thole: Grocery bag
daabher jol:
Coconut water
Jeet: Bengali superstar
